Sick

I have been sick the past couple weeks with an illness called chikungunya. You can Wikipedia it. I had never heard of it either, but it's a virus that is spread by mosquitos... similar to dengue fever, but no rash. Instead it attacks your joints and totally wipes you out of any semblance of energy to live, breathe, get out of bed.... After a week of intense pain (think labor - no exaggeration - I've gone through it 3 times with no epidurals) I'm now "better" but I have very little energy. They say it can take a couple MONTHS to feel "normal" again.

Trouble is Brant is now sick. I'll spare you the gory details, but he got an amoeba, which does a nasty number on your digestive track. So we're both kinda out of it and the poor little boys just kinda run and play around us as we lie around sick.

So, I'm killing time til it's late enough to go to bed at a respectable hour. :) Thought I'd add a couple pics from life of late.

Elijah is growing up so fast. He'll be 5 next month... when did he turn into a little boy with a personality of his own? He likes to "help" with Ezra....

Elijah in his "boat" listening to his iPod... yes, I know a bit extravagant for a 4 year old to have (it's one of the small cheap ones) ...but it has saved us a boatload in not having to haul his 50 million kids' CDs around the planet. :) Plus he sits for hours totally still and quiet listening to "his" music.

Caleb

Do I need to say more?

Caleb as "Jesus"

Caleb is our ham. Not sure where he gets it from because neither Brant nor I are real "life-of-the-party" type people. But at almost 3, he keeps us laughing... most of the day. Among his best one liners...

"I can't like it" (with a very scrunched up little face) regarding any food remotely spicy, green and vegetable looking, or new.

"I squishing. I squishing." Sitting on the couch reading books with Brant and Elijah.

"I Jesus" With a blanket wrapped around his head.

"I like move it. I like move it. I like move it." That's him singing along to Madagascar - complete with motions.

"Hallalu... hallalu... hallalu..." Many mornings we wake up to hear him "singing" in his bed.

Food and boys

Tonight at the dinner table I looked around and realized I was the only one wearing a shirt at the table. The heat today was unbearable, compounded by the fact the electricity was off all day and our generator won't run our AC. So at dinner, even little fat Ezra was sitting in his eating chair with no shirt on. I kinda felt out of place. :) (And as I was sweating, a tad bit jealous!)

So, we finally got Ezra to eat! Unlike the older two boys, Ezra has not really taken to eating solid food. We have tried bananas, rice cereal, you name it for the past two weeks, and it just comes right back out. The baby book says he lacks "oral motor skills." But apparently being in a cooler climate helped him - while we were at our regional conference in the mountains last week, he inhaled most of a sweet potato from a traditional feast the neighboring tribal people held for us. I was a tad nervous that the first food he actually ate could potentially give him some horrible parasite or hepatitis or something like that (not really, it was cooked) but he loved it and since has really enjoyed eating - pulling the spoon towards his mouth if we don't shovel it in fast enough.

Today I fed him some of this new fruit we brought back from the mountains - a type of passionfruit that looks like a blend of pomegranate (millions of little seeds with fruit around it) and snot (think the color and texture) Despite the appearance, it tastes really good and Ezra loved it. We'll see what the diaper looks like tomorrow...

The house dream

So, confession... I have always wanted a house. I think it's a common longing for most women - right up there with getting a husband and kids. Maybe not, and I'm just obsessed... or maybe it's an outgrowth of our wandering lifestyle...

Anyways, I have always wanted to have a house that is "mine" - that I can paint and decorate as I wish and plant flowers in the front yard just as I want to... we have played "house" at every place we have lived in since we've been married... this is our 6th house in almost 8 years of marriage - and we have painted each one and planted things in each one - and left every one after a year or so...

I think I also want a house because I hate our current house. It is wooden and horribly hard to keep clean and it's split level and I have fallen down the stairs at least 5 times... not used to stairs. :) Also, the boards are rough and I get splinters in my feet from walking around bare foot - and who doesn't want to be barefoot in their own house?!?

I pictured us buying a simple little house and renting it out, having a place to call "home" while we're on furlough and in 20-30 years when we're done here, having a place to retire in...

So, Brant and I started looking for a house a month or so ago... we shouldn't have - we should have done what all the "buying your first house" websites tell you to do - get the financial paperwork done first. We found a beautiful house and I fell in love - white stone (my dream) and an office for Brant (his dream) on a big lot in the country with a neighborhood pool and playground for the boys. We started jumping through the hoops of loan paperwork and fell flat pretty fast - right when we figured out we couldn't get a loan as "homeowners" and also be "overseas citizens" at the same time. ("Homeowners" get tax breaks and lower interest rates... so do "overseas citizens" -but you can't be both...)

I'm reading Proverbs this month and the other day read a very fitting verse... "Be wise enough to know when to quit" (Prov 23:4) We are quitting the house buying dream for the time being. Brant reminds me there will be other houses... I console myself with the fact that the white stone house didn't have a fire place - another dream of mine. But it comes down to an issue of trust, I think. I do trust that the Lord will provide for us - that we will never be homeless when we are old and gray because we didn't have the money to buy a house when we were young. But I also need to trust that His plans for my life are perfect - and if that involves never owning a home, then I need to be okay with that. I need to trust that He will provide contentment and peace with or without a house I can call "mine." When we were in the States, I was talking to a good friend who just finished building their first home and were now faced with the possibility of having to sell it. I expressed sadness at the thought of them having to leave their house of many years worth of planning and dreaming... and she replied "It's just a house... and it belongs to the Lord."

Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more...

So, I go through phases where I have a favorite song that kinda typifies my life and faith at the moment. My song of the moment is "Somewhere in the Middle" by Casting Crowns. Don't laugh, it came out several years ago, but we just got the CD... the non-existent Christian bookstores here and lack of radio definitely put a damper on our keeping up with the music industry.

I love the lines - "Just how close can I get, Lord, to 'I surrender' without losing all control? ...With eyes wide to the difference in the God we want and the God Who is... but will we trade our dreams for His?" ...I can say I am surrendered to Christ, and to a lot of people, it may appear that I am... hey, I'm living in a third world country for Jesus - doesn't that count for anything? But the Lord knows my heart and how I fight His plan because my plan for my life is so much better.

Take my current circumstances... Brant is stuck in a tribe who knows where it is and I am stuck here with 3 little boys who are on a downward cycle of getting fussier and more disobedient by the day... and who knows when or how he is going to get home... best case scenario - he'll be on a helicopter tomorrow morning and be on the plane back here tomorrow afternoon. Worse case scenario - the guys will decide to hike out of the tribe if the weather continues to be bad... it's a grueling 3-4 day hike that will make scaling Everest seem like a piece of cake. Does that put him back next week sometime? I will be in the crazy house by then....

So this morning when I got the call they would not make it out today, I cried some and starting praying and my prayer went a little like this "Lord, I need him to come out. Please clear the clouds - I know You've done it before and can do it again - so just clear the clouds and bring them home" To which the Lord replied... Yes, I can clear the clouds if I want to... maybe it's better that I don't... So it comes down to an issue of faith - do I really trust the Lord that His plan is better than mine and that leaving the guys in there at least one extra day is in His plan? I know that is true - but sometimes I think my plans are so much better...

One thing I have learned during this whole experience - other than the fact that it is possible for me to take care of the boys and stay by myself and survive in a 3rd world country - is a greater appreciation for Brant! He is such a stabilizing factor in our lives and it is so nice just to have someone to share life with... I really miss him a ton. The other thing I have realized is how crucial my role is in this family... by seeing his absence and how much the boys miss him and how things are harder as a single parent makes me realize that I actually contribute a lot and I can picture myself being gone and him trying to hold it together here. ...don't know if that makes sense or not. I guess I am realizing how well we work together and am so thankful for him.

So, to all you out there in the great big blog world, please be praying that the weather clears and that Brant makes it home tomorrow. And be praying for my attitude if he doesn't. :)

The fat baby... Ezra in his whale towel after bath time.

Caleb enjoying strawberry shortcake